The Library Police

A few days ago, I started reading a novella by Stephen King entitled "The Library Policeman". According to the story, the Library Police (with a capital LP, of course) will come and get you if you don't return your books on time. This concept is supposed to strike fear into children's hearts, resulting in library policy compliance (at least as far as returning books is concerned). King's story was one of horror, so the Library Policeman was depicted as a really scary towering figure who lisped, and had the capacity to turn the delinquent book-borrower's hair white by merely revealing himself to him.

The day after I started reading this story, Felicity and I went to the library in hopes of writing and finishing our papers. We found a little alcove that allowed us to talk without disturbing others. Lunch time came around, and we were at a loss as to what to do. That's because things at tables that are left unattended for more than twenty minutes are confiscated, and the table could be occupied by anyone else. We didn't want to lose our alcove, so we came up with a brilliant idea- Fil would go out and buy burritos at Taco Bell, then smuggle them into the library (food was not allowed), where she and I would surreptitiously eat them.

Fil came back with the burritos, and I was able to finish eating mine without further mishap. However, Fil, caught up in writing her kilometric paper, put her burrito down on the table in plain view. She then saw a boy pass by our alcove who shot her a glance as if she were doing something criminal. A few minutes later, a library staff member (library policewoman?) and told Fil to throw her burrito, since eating wasn't allowed in the library. She put it away, but of course, continued to eat it in secret.

Fil and I later bitched about the snitch who told on us. Sure, eating was not allowed. But REALLY. Anyway this whole incident got me to thinking about the Library Police. There may be no 7-foot policemen to scare you into returning your books, but there sure are plenty of library SNITCHES around who patrol the premises, ready to report to the library staff every infraction that they seem to take as a personal affront. Just remember, Library Snitches, what happened to the Library Police in King's novella. (Hint: King's monsters are usually obliterated at the end.)