The Fallacy of the Platonic Friendship

For those of you who haven't as yet heard the gory details, here is a summary of events that led to our breakup.

Everything between Caye and I had been okay, despite my leaving in August 2005 to study here in Missouri. We managed to communicate and maintain our relationship with the use of webcams and email.

Before Christmas 2006, his best friend Corinne broke up with her boyfriend Richard. I remember during one of my video chats with Caye that she was there in his house with Popie (they are quite the triumvirate), and I remember feeling bad for her. (I have a soft spot for breakup survivors.) So during the holidays, they spent an inordinate amount of time together; Caye and Corinne, that is. Supposedly to comfort each other- Caye comforted Corinne about her breakup, she comforted him during a Gidget-less Christmas. They wrote about each other (praises, praises, praises!) on their blogs, they drew up a list of "100 things to do before I die" with each other, they ticked off said items together (Corinne wanted to go ice skating and learn to change a tire, and Caye obliged; she taught him to cook, which was on his list), they did yoga together, they drank almost every night together, they listened to "Postal Service" together.

Since I, unlike them, was not in denial and was seeing through all this all too clearly and the danger that their behavior posed, I emailed Caye about how worried I was about the time they were spending together, how they were discussing their hopes and dreams, and how they seemed to be getting too emotionally intimate. I made it clear to Caye that I saw exactly what was happening. He tried to reassure me by saying "Get that out of your head. It's unthinkable. Corinne is like a little sister to me." (Apparently, they later on decided that incest is best, but I digress.)

After emailing my concerns, Caye's behavior toward me deteriorated. He continued to see Corinne very often, and hardly logged on to chat with me. I again emailed him about how I was feeling neglected, and how I was getting very jealous of Corinne. The week before the breakup, I texted him, but he simply did not respond. For a week. He made no effort to contact me through the many ways available to him. That week was hell for me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus on my studies. I didn't know if he was still alive, if he was in the hospital, but deep inside, I knew something bad was going on.

I asked Tintin to text Caye just to find out if was still alive. Since he did respond to her, and he didn't sound like he was in the ICU, I decided to give in to my rage, my sheer unadulterated anger for being totally ignored. After all, I was his girlfriend of almost nine years. I deserved to know what was going on, no matter how painful it would be. I didn't deserve to be shoved to the side while he threshed out his issues. At the very least, he should have informed me that he was thinking some things through.

Last Sunday, I decided I had had enough. I called his cell, and when he answered, he said he was in a movie and would call me later. I said I wanted to talk right then, but because of technical difficulties or his refusal to talk to me then, I waited until he got home so we could video chat.

He messaged me that he emailed me something, and that we should chat only after I had read it. So, there it was... the horrible words... "over the past couple of months I have developed feelings for Corinne...". What really made me furious was the phrase "she is one of my closest friends and the last person i thought i would have feelings for. But that is what happened." What did he mean this is "WHAT HAPPENED"? These things DON'T just happen, unless you're 15 years old and don't know better. Love is a decision. Emotional intimacy does not "just happen". You don't spend all your waking hours outside of work with a person and not expect feelings to develop!

Besides, if I could see it happening as early as Christmas, they sure as hell knew exactly what was going on. And they both allowed it. That's why I hold them both accountable; after all, it takes two to tango. They got in deep, and there is always a point where you can tell yourself "This is wrong. This has got to stop." But they both chose to cross that point, also known as the point of no return.

So that is "WHAT HAPPENED". Caye chose not to honor his commitment to me, and Corinne was his willing accomplice. They are not star-crossed innocent lovers who were suddenly struck by a lightning bolt of love. They are both guilty of causing all this heartbreak. As Gigi said in her last email, "Falling in love with someone doesn't JUST HAPPEN. This isn't the movies."