Since I’ve gotten started on the topic of indelicacies, here are a couple of examples where employees provided too much information (more popularly known as TMI). These are two separate incidents involving two separate people.
The employees were telling me their respective reasons as to why they couldn’t report for work that day. Again, I am translating their words, which were spoken in Filipino. This rather detracts from their funny-ness, but you’ll get the point.
Incident #1
My office phone rings.
Employee: (sounding very disturbed) Ma’am! I won’t be able to go to work today! I had an accident in the bathroom!
Me: (worried by her tone and imagining her slipping and hitting her head on the toilet) What happened??? Are you all right?
Employee: Yes, yes, the bleeding has stopped.
Me: Oh my God! (then, rather repetitively) What happened???
Employee: Well, I was picking my nose…
Me: (wishing she wouldn’t go on) Oh.
Employee: Then I dug in too deep…
Me: Hmmm. (thinking of hanging up and pretending the line was cut by some strange electric force)
Employee: So it bled and bled and bled. Thankfully, it stopped bleeding already.
Me: (rather hurriedly) Okay, take the day off. Bye! (slams the phone down)
Me: (aloud in the office, to no one in particular) Why couldn’t she just say she had a headache?
Incident #2
My mobile phone rings.
Me: Hello?
Employee: Ma’am! I won’t be able to go to work today! I’ve got loose bowels. I’ve been going to the bathroom to relieve myself since last night. It’s so bad that my stools are like water! I think…
Me: (quickly interrupting) Okaytakethedayoffbye!
Honestly! Whatever happened to the good old headache excuse?
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